


Don't Break Me

by Eyeswideshut



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 12:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11714292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyeswideshut/pseuds/Eyeswideshut
Summary: They haven't toured together for a couple years and have fallen out of touch. Both Adam and Tommy are feeling the loss of their friendship but it has been so long and there has been such hurt; can they find a way back to each other?I do not know or own either of them. This is complete fiction.





	Don't Break Me

Tommy entered his apartment and kicked the door shut behind him. He dropped his keys into the bowl on the end table by the door and finally was able to remove the plastic grocery bag from between his teeth as he locked the door. He carried the bag containing a couple boxes of cereal and a pack of bacon into the kitchen. His phone buzzed in his pocket as he put up the meager groceries and he slid it out of his pocket and unlocked it. He stared in shock at the message on his screen.

TJ- I’m almost there.. Please answer when i get there--A

He thought about making an escape. Perhaps he could get to his car before Adam actually got here. He knew better though. He would never make it out of the parking lot before the other man got here. At least here he was in his element and he didn’t have to let Adam in if he didn’t want to. Yeah, that was it, he didn’t have to let Adam in. He could say he had a chick here and it wasn’t a good time. “Yeah right. Not a good time. You haven’t seen him in months and months.” If he blew this, he may not get another chance. 

Then he heard the soft knock on the door and froze. He couldn’t even think much less move the 15 or so steps to the door. Already? He wasn’t ready. The knock came again and Tommy finally unfroze enough to move to the door. He put a hand on the door but couldn’t bring himself to open it. One more soft knock. Still Tommy couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face the man who had broken him and destroyed him. 

“Tommy, please, I know you are there. Please open the door.” Adam's voice was soft and pleading, trying not to wake up the neighbors. “Please.”

Tommy was not even aware of it but he unlocked the door and opened it before he even had a chance to think. There he was. Older, his hair a startling red color, no makeup and just a simple striped button down and blue jeans on. Tommy’s eyes drank in the sight of his friend, brother and other half even while his face hardened into a mask. “Kinda busy, I have company already.“ He looked behind him as if there were someone just out of sight. “Talk fast.” Tommy said with an angry edge. He saw the hurt flash through Adam’s eyes but then the man reached for him and that couldn’t happen so Tommy stepped back to avoid it and thus allowed Adam to step in, both of them knowing they were alone in the apartment. 

Tommy turned and walked into the kitchen, he was going to need a drink for this. He grabbed a bottle of whisky and a shot glass and poured himself a double and downed it. By the time Adam got to the kitchen, Tommy had already poured himself another. He held up the bottle in a questioning manner asking if Adam wanted some. Adam stepped closer and took the bottle and set it on the counter out of reach. “Tommy, please, I need to talk to you.” 

As Adam had stepped forward to reach for the bottle, Tommy downed his shot and stepped back, not willing to allow Adam that close. Tommy put up a wall in his head and looked coldly at Adam. “You insisted on talking, so talk. The quicker you do the sooner you can get the fuck out of my life again.” His tone bitter and biting and Adam flinched when he heard both the tone and the words. 

“I’m sorry, Tommy, I’m so sorry.” Adam started, his voice breaking with emotion. Tommy jumped up to sit on the counter, to try to act as if unaffected by the raw misery in the other man’s voice. “I don’t know what happened that night or what I was thinking the next. I have been so lost without you. When you wouldn’t respond to my messages I decided I needed to move on and I even got pissy with some fans when they mentioned you or that stupid nickname for us.”

“Adommy.” Tommy supplied softly. He had always liked the name. He had loved working with Adam. Their friendship had been legendary. They were closer than close and could always be found together. Until that night. That night in Amsterdam everything changed. The show started normal but the interaction between them changed. He didn’t know why it changed but that one fucking night and the freeze out following it had just about broken Tommy. He had lost everything he cared about and Adam had never even told him why. “Why?” Tommy finally asked angrily. “Why did you shut me out?”

“That night, Tommy, everything was different. I don’t know if it is because we were both high or what but the vibe of that whole show felt different.” He watched as Tommy drew one leg up to his chest and rested his chin on his knee. “You were so perfect that night and when we put on our normal show…” his voice broke a bit again “when we kissed it felt different. It wasn’t just babyboy kissing glitterbaby.” He saw Tommy flinch at the names. “It was Adam kissing Tommy Joe. I was kissing my very straight best friend and I didn’t care at all about the crowd. It wasn’t for show that night. Especially not that last one.” 

Both of their minds went back to that tender, loving and sexy kiss when Adam practically laid on top of him while kissing him. That had been the most amazing kiss. It had rocked them both. “When the show ended you looked so confused, I decided to skip our usual celebration. When I woke up I realized that I had to be away from you. I couldn’t be near you anymore. I stopped kissing you during shows and I made excuses to be away from you. I was panicking so much that I was going to lose you. You, who I couldn't live without and I didn't realize I was losing you because of what I was doing. That last day of tour I caught an earlier flight home and when time came to sign a new band, I left you out. I couldn’t be around you anymore.”

“Why?” Tommy’s voice was soft and broken sounding. 

Adam stepped closer. “Because I was in love with you and you were straight and that wasn’t going to change. I had been in love with you for so long. Kissing you onstage every night was the highlight of my day. But that night it went from part of the show to part of my heart and I couldn’t do that to either of us. You weren’t ever going to want me like that and I couldn’t take the closeness without relief. I told myself it would be easier. I moved on, the fans moved on. You seemed fine in your tweets. I decided I had read too much into our friendship.”

“And my texts begging you to talk to me? That was just what? Fun for you?” Tommy asked angrily. 

Adam took the last step toward him, finally in arms reach. With his hip, Adam gently nudged the leg Tommy had hanging off the counter out of the way. He put his hands on the counter on either side of Tommy, not knowing if he could touch him. “I know, Pretty kitty.” He said in a soft and sorrowful voice. “I told myself I was being kinder that way.”

When he heard the old nickname, Tommy Joe Ratliff broke and cried. “You took everything from me in the blink of an eye and never bothered to explain what I had done.” He said angrily.

“Tommy, you hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why? I didn’t care that you were gay. I never cared. You knew that. You were my best friend. My closest ally. My brother. I always enjoyed kissing you. It was fun. You were always so dominate on stage and it was fun to play into that and be your submissive. A good kiss is sexy no matter who it comes from. That night, especially that kiss, dammit Adam! I wanted you. I wanted to explore that with you and see where it lead us. I wanted to continue that kiss at the hotel. You didn’t come to the party and I thought you’d show later. When you didn’t I called but always went straight to voicemail. I went to the hotel and realized you hadn’t come to my room the way you usually did. I spent all night thinking about that kiss and imagining the start we were going to have. I didn’t even have the sense to be worried because you would never hurt me. I happily fell a fucking sleep dreaming of an Adam I would never FUCKING SEE AGAIN!” he yelled the last part with tears running down his face. “You went from being my everything to just gone. No explanation, nothing, you just froze me out. For fucks sake, I had to hear I wasn’t in the band anymore from Monte, you asshole.”

Adam just absorbed the words thrown his way. He reached up and wiped a tear before Tommy slung his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me.” He spat while glaring. The anger faded and was replaced by pain. “You broke me.” He said softly. “I was in love with you.”

“Oh God, Tommy, I’m so sorry. I can’t go on like this anymore. I need you. I dial your number so many times a day and then don’t hit connect. I constantly text you and then delete it before sending it. I couldn’t take you rejecting me so i didn’t give you the chance. I didn’t know you felt the same about me, I swear I didn’t. I have been so miserable without you. I tried to block it out but I can’t do that anymore. I deserve for you to shut me out but please don’t.” 

There was a long silence while Tommy thought over what he had said. Finally he took a shuddering breath. “I can’t.” He said softly. He couldn’t allow Adam to have the potential to hurt him like that again. He saw Adam fold in on himself like he had physically hurt him. Adam turned and headed for the door and Tommy almost let him go but jumped down at the last minute and grabbed his arm. “I wasn’t fine.” he cried. “I pretended I was for the fans. I didn’t want them to know. I didn’t want anyone to know.” He looked down, unable to look into Adam’s blue eyes. “I didn’t even tell my family. It wasn’t until they realized you were touring without me that they started asking. I wasn’t ever confused about us Adam. That night just continued a closeness I always felt with you. You have always been the exception for me and I thought you knew that. I had fans and press asking me constantly why i wasn’t with you and I had to pretend I was fine with it. I hated it and I hated you. You are the one person who can really hurt me and the fact that you did it so brutally...i can’t go through that again Adam.” His voice dropped into a whisper. “I wouldn’t make it out this time.”

Adam saw the pain and haunted look in Tommy's eyes and truly saw for the first time the damage he had done. Adam cried too and immediately pulled Tommy into his arms. “Oh pretty kitty, I promise that won’t happen. I can’t live without you. I am hollow and empty.” He caressed Tommy's cheek with his thumb. He slowly moved forward and leaned in until he was a breath of wind away from kissing Tommy. He could feel the puffs of air coming out of the other but he had to be sure this is what Tommy wanted too. 

Tommy’s eyes slid closed as he saw Adam move in for a kiss. It never connected though. He could feel Adam right there but not touching. His eyes opened and he saw those brilliant blue eyes watching him. Tommy didn’t hesitate he moved in the rest of the way and kissed his long lost best friend. The moment their lips touched they both groaned. The kiss was sweet and romantic and passionate. Their years of longing went into it. When he broke the kiss, Adam rested his forehead against Tommy’s. 

“Please give me a chance, glitterbaby. You won’t regret it.”

“I’ve only ever been yours, Babyboy.“ Tommy whispered. “Since that very first kiss at the AMAs. Please don't break me again.”

“Never! I promise.” Adam responded.


End file.
